Lessons.

If you have been reading this blog, you know that I mysteriously fall off the grid during the Summer season. If you haven't been following this website, then I feel bad for you but not malicious enough that I will wish a cleft palate upon your future offspring. Here's the recap...

Los Angeles is still the worst place to live.  Ever.

 

Los Angeles has more flaws then Heidi Montag-Pratt before her ten surgeries.  Not only is the air filthy and disgusting, practically guaranteeing that you will die an early death caused by emphysema, but the people here are absolutely hideous.  Is it possible that a community could be more self-obsessed, while at the same time shamefully ignorant in the arena of pertinent arts and culture?  Aside from the health and social related risks of residing in Los Angeles, there is also a very real threat of physical endangerment.  Did you know that this abominable squat is located on a fault line?  I guess everyone is too busy fighting the aging process and driving their German cars from lunch spot to frozen yogurt joints to notice.
... and the driving.  Oh, the driving.  Most residents spend an average of 13-20 hours per day in their cars.  I guess the best thing to do is to just avoid this hell hole at all costs.  Yes.  Just stay as far away from it as you can- like in New York.  Seasons!

Pricasso.

Remember right before you dropped out of college when your bro, the fine arts major, brought home that terrible excuse for a painting and you took one look at it and said, "I could have painted that with my dick!"  Well, it turns out you should have spent more time barking up that tree instead of devoting your life to building the best art car for next year's Burning Man.

Beer.

It's the most delicious summertime drink.  I Inception-ed that dream from you when you passed out from polishing off a pony keg.

Lip Balm addiction.

During the warmer season, I tend to blow through lip balm faster than Lohan's jail "visits".  I Googled "lip balm addiction" and found Lip Balm Anonymous.  After I got done cleaning the pee off of my pantalones, I realized that I use an olive oil based lip balm from Trader Joe's about every thirty minutes.  However, it should be noted that I receive numerous compliments on the condition of my lips.  To all the dum dums out there incessantly putting Blistex and Carmex on your mouth: you should know that the human body cannot process petroleum or mineral oils.  That stuff is meant for your gas tank.  If you use such products with these ingredients you are most likely putting a dead dinosaur's wiener on your mouth.  AND YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHERE THAT DINOSAUR HAS BEEN. 

Easy now, Suzy Creamcheese.

The person pictured above is getting a lot of attention and earnings these days.  The only thing standing between you and that kind of fuck-you-money is a heap of thinly sliced meat, a bottle of peroxide and some spare time.  Get inspired.